Spring of Hope

Posted on March 31, 2011 by elizabethlombino

Seeing  all of the flowers bloom in spring fills me with hope. Forsythia, tulips, daffodils are all so wondrous. Each bright color lights up my eyes and my mind.  Each year these beautiful colors remind me that the darkness of winter is fading. The grey is slowly giving way to glorious color.

Yes, this is a metaphor, in case that needs explaining.

Mia was born in the fall and our first winter together was one of the darkest times in my life. Winter is already a difficult time for me. My mind seems to mimic the darkness and I feel slow and down. Add postpartum depression to the mix and I was an utter mess. It seemed as if every day was draped in a veil of thick greyness.  The weather was cold and dark, and so was I.

Yet, as with every changing season, spring finally came. The sun was brighter, the world was brighter and finally I was starting to re-awaken. Each winter I still struggle, yet I know for certain that the clouds will lift and the world will once again pop with color and life. I will once again blossom and thrive.

Mia is now so aware of the seasons and she shares in my delight. She eagerly looks for splashes of color and gets so excited when another color is spotted. We have bulbs that are determined to bloom and she sees their green leaves popping through the ground. Every day she checks their progress. She and I will both be thrilled when the burst of flowers come.

Spring is full of hope. It’s a cliché, I know, but one that is so helpful for me. Having lived through PPD and long, cold, dark winters, I will always relish in the simple pleasures of Spring. The hope and promise that is in every flower we see.

Photos by my hubby Rich Lombino

Filed under: Hope Notes, Motherhood, One and Done, Parenting, PerinatalMoodDisorders, Self-Care, Stress Reduction | 2 Comments »

Oh Sugar, How I Love (HATE!) You

Posted on March 30, 2011 by elizabethlombino

Over my lifetime, I have had a love / hate relationship with sugar.

In my younger years, sugar gave me joy, helped me cope, and coated my throat with its wonderful sticky sweetness. I would enjoy sugar in all forms – white, fluffy breads; extra sugar in my coffee or tea; fake sugars when I felt like being “good”; cakes, candies, ice cream, oh my; pure colorful, flavored sugar that would be dipped with an even more tasty sugar stick … I rarely discriminated.

Several years ago, I was told to cut back (actually told to stop, but I heard “cut back”) my sugar intake completely by a few professionals.

When I was diagnosed with Postpartum Depression, my therapist and psychiatrist encouraged me to stop to help with my mood swings. “What are you talking about?” I snapped at them, and then burst into tears. Yes, I clearly had violent mood swings. Yet, the thought of giving up sugar was disastrous to me. Sugar gave me (fake) energy and was a source of comfort. I did realize that soon after having sugar, my body and mind would crash. Literally. I became irritable, cranky, and truly looking for my next fix. I felt like I would throw someone if they got between me and my stash of cookies.

My doctors instructed me to stop due to my intense intestinal issues. They informed me that my sugar intake may have something to do with my symptoms. More specifically, anything artificial, including fake sugars, food colorings and any other un-natural ingredients, was messing up my system. Not my sugar! How could something I love so much be so cruel to me?!

My nutritionist helped me get through this difficult time. I felt like I was losing my best friend. To not have sugar anymore? Are you f@*#ing kidding me?!?! You thought I had mood swings before, watch out. Plus anger was added to the mix. I became intensely angry at sugar. How could it do this to me!?

All these professionals were right. Sugar was truly not my friend. Sure, it all tasted good for a moment, but after that, all sugar did was make my insides cringe, my mood shift, and I felt lethargic and sluggish. Yet my attachment and love for sugar was strong. Through the pain and discomfort, I continued to have sugar. Denial, this became my new best friend.

It took a long time, but I finally decided to listen to these professionals and cut sugar loose. Of course, it was a struggle. I had a really hard time saying goodbye. I would still sneak some treats here and there and rationalize that if I only had a little bit, it would be okay. But just like anyone who has ever been in recovery, one is never enough. I also had to kick denial to the curb as well.

Today, I have almost completely cut sugar out of my life. I don’t crave it. In fact, if I even taste something with a bit of sugar, it tastes insanely sweet to me. I used to take a dozen sugar packets in my coffee (a bit of an exaggeration), now I only need milk. It tastes very sweet to me. My body has adjusted. My sugar cravings are gone.

My moods are better. My stomach is better. Plus I have lost weight and I feel amazing. There used to be a sugary film feeling around me. As if my insides were coated in a candy shell. They probably were. Now my body is clean. I feel lighter. More energized. Able to taste my food. Enjoy real energy, not fake sugar highs. The professionals were right. Sugar truly messed me up.

There are times when I struggle and times when “just a bite” really works. Part of me still loves sugar. I remember all the good times we’ve shared. I can still close my eyes and literally taste a glazed donut. It’s a memory that will not go away. And that’s okay. The memory is enough. I do not want the reality now. Sorry sugar, my love for you is over.

Filed under: Addiction/Substance Use, Health, Hope Notes, Just for Laughs, PerinatalMoodDisorders, Self-Care, Stress Reduction | 6 Comments »

Continuing to Give a Voice to Those Without One

Posted on March 28, 2011 by elizabethlombino

Below is a post I wrote a few months ago. I continue to get the questions around why I do what I do. Why I advocate for others. It seems the questions will continue. That’s okay with me. I’m happy to share my passion.

I’m also happy to share my voice. Many people have told me that they have read my blogs or seen my articles and learned something new about an issue or population that they did not know before. This is huge. Raising awareness is so essential. There are so many issues and challenges that we all face. There are so many myths and misinformation out there. If we all take the time to share our experiences and provide real information, we will all grow and learn from each other.

So I will continue to write about what I am passionate about. HIV/AIDS, Motherhood, Post-Partum Depression, Poverty, Gay Rights, Social Work, Mental Health, Stress Reduction, Humor, Parenting … I hope to continue to share my thoughts on these issues. I hope to continue to get discussions going and empower people to get involved. For those who may not have the opportunity to speak up, I hope to continue to share my voice for their cause.

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Life’s most persistent and urgent question is, ‘What are you doing for others?’ Martin Luther King, Jr.

These are words that I live by. For whatever reason, I have a strong need to help and support others. Being a Social Worker fits this need. Working with others and listening to their stories is so beneficial to them and it’s incredibly fulfilling to me.

Writing also satisfies this need. My voice is out there. Whether I am writing about Motherhood and Parenting, Social Work issues, Poverty, HIV/AIDS, Gay Rights, Stress Reduction or any other of the many areas that I am interested in, my words speak for others. I am simply giving a voice to those who do not have a voice of their own. To those who are learning to use their voice. To those who have a voice, but it is drowned out by the environment they are in. Whose voice is silenced by others who are more powerful. I can be a voice. A small voice that can be loud for all of us. I can share their stories with others and help make a difference. Working together, our voices can grow and get stronger. Change can more likely happen.

Sometimes I’m asked why I do what I do. Why I’m a Social Worker helping others. Sometimes it is a genuine question from a curious person. Sometimes it’s a question twinged with judgement. The questions are the easy part; it is often the answers that are hard. At least to the person asking. What I do makes sense in my heart and in my day to day life. Yet to many people, it is a completely foreign concept. To help others. To seemingly give selflessly of myself and of my time. To advocate for others. These can be difficult concepts for people to understand.

It all comes down to hope. By speaking my voice, I am providing hope. Hope to others who can relate to what I write. Hope for me to know that I’m not alone. Hope for the world. It may sound idealistic and a bit of an unobtainable utopia, yet often hope is what gets us through the day. Hope provides something positive, something warm. Hope can be something to cling to, something to believe in. Hope can be everything.

Perhaps it’s my Grandmother’s influence. She was always such a positive spirit. She would find hope in everything. Always a smile and a laugh. She found the good in every person she encountered. Even those she disagreed with were still a friend to her. She had that special gift – to disagree yet still find something likable and genuine in all those around her.

Whatever the reason or influence, my desire to help others remains strong. I am proud to know that I am touching someone’s life each day.

As President Barack Obama said: What matters is not wealth, or status, or power, or fame, but rather how well we have loved, and what small part we have played in making the lives of other people better.

Filed under: Body.com, Hope Notes, Mental Illness, Poverty, Social Work, Strengths Perspective | Leave a Comment »

More Mom Opinions … Will it Ever End??

Posted on March 24, 2011 by elizabethlombino

The opinions are never ending. It’s exhausting to have to field them each day. Yet, here we are.

I’m finding that there are more and more opinionated moms out there. Not only are there people judging us as parents, but there are other parents / moms judging each other. What is going on here? Why are we judging each other relentlessly? Why is it anyone’s business whether or not I cook dinner each night or serve Mia chicken nuggets 14 nights in a row? Does someone else honestly care about that? If someone else wants to judge me and take such an interest in my parenting style, that’s quite sad. I’m really not that interesting.

I can’t help but laugh. We have to or I think we would all go insane. Maybe we already are. Maybe we have to be to better deal with all the nonsense around us.

So please. If you have an inclination to judge another mom, please stop. Think. Be mindful. Would you like it if she judges you? How would you feel? We teach our children to think before they speak. We need to take our own advice.

Mom Opinions – Enough Already!

Everyone has an opinion about being a Mom. Those who have been a Mom for 5 minutes, those who have been a Mom for 5 years, those who are going to be a Mom, and those who are not Moms. I could be wrong, but it seems like the moment I got pregnant, the statement “Give me your opinion, no matter how bizarre, please” was stamped on my forehead. Of course it is only visible to the shameless narcissists out there who actually think I want to hear what they have to say.  If any of us Moms were to listen to all of these opinions, we would go crazy. Each statement contradicts the last and the same person who said the sky is blue today will insist that it’s purple tomorrow.

There is too much judgment out there. Too many people imposing their views upon us. Being a Mom means navigating through a whirlwind of judgments, opinions, unwanted advice and meaningless statements from strangers. I swear one day I’m going to invent a shield to ward off all those who attempt to approach me with yet another piece of verbal vomit.

There’s almost an unwritten code that being a Mom means you have to portray some level of perfection and superficial joy at all times. It’s unnecessary and nauseating. And fortunately, this view is slowly coming to an end. I’ve been so overjoyed and inspired to see more and more Moms coming forward to tell the truth about parenthood and to put a stop to the overly perfect, overly opinionated nonsense. One example is a recent Time magazine article entitled, “Mompetition”: Why You Just Can’t Make Mom Friends.

Our kids tell us what they want and what they need. They will have an opinion, and unless they want to eat candy all day, we need to listen to them as well. Before Mia was born, we knew she was a girl. We decided to decorate her room in an ocean theme, with aqua paint, fish and octopus themed bedding and all things water-related. We wanted to avoid the Pepto-Bismol effect by having her room all pink. Plus the feminist in me did not want her and her room to look like a Barbie threw up pink sparkle all over the place. Well, now that she’s 4, she’s obsessed with pink. If she doesn’t have at least one piece of pink clothing on, she has an existential crisis. Her big girl bed is covered in pink flowers (with touches of aqua to match the walls). And it all looks beautiful and I love that she has her own style and opinion. So much for our theory of minimizing pink. Damn you, unintentional reverse psychology!

We moms need to relax and enjoy being a mom. We need to listen to our own instincts and do what we feel is best for our children and ourselves. We need to laugh at ourselves and with each other. We need to exchange stories and learn from each other, not compete with each other and judge every decision. I know I’m not alone in feeling this way. So who are those Moms who are so uptight and quick to judge? I have met a few and let’s just say I spend as little time with them as possible. I prefer to spend my time with other Moms and parents who are fun, funny, light and inspirational, even when we have differing views on things. With these Moms, we can have a lively discussion full of curious exploration, not defensive judgment. It’s healthy and fun and adds to the enjoyment and journey of being a Mom.

So enough with the opinions.  If a Mom tells you she is even remotely perfect, she’s exaggerating. If she dismisses all of your Mom ideas, she’s narrow-minded. For those older opinionated folks, if they tell you they “just don’t remember” their own children acting out or anything but the positive stuff, don’t believe them. But hey, these are only my opinions, so please feel free to ignore me and just listen to yourself.

Filed under: Hope Notes, Just for Laughs, Motherhood, Parenting, PerinatalMoodDisorders, Self-Care, Stress Reduction | 2 Comments »

Hey Pharma! Where is Your ADAP Assistance?

Posted on March 23, 2011 by elizabethlombino

Post originally posted on Change.org

As AIDS Drug Assistance Program Waiting Lists Grow, Pharma Does Not Respond

As the AIDS Drug Assistance Program (ADAP) continues to struggle for funding, pharma remains silent.

ADAP is an invaluable state program that assists HIV-positive individuals in paying for their very expensive medications. HIV medications are necessary to treat and manage HIV/AIDS and to prevent disease progression. These medications are necessary to keep a person living with HIV/AIDS alive. Indeed, they are the very reason HIV is now a chronic disease, and not acutely life-threatening.

For a variety of reasons, ADAP funding is being cut in states across the country, leaving many HIV+ adults unable to afford their medications.

The pharmaceutical companies (pharma) that develop and distribute these medications continue to contribute to the problem. The cost of HIV medications remains astronomically high within our country. These high costs are a primary reason that ADAP programs were created. Many people who are HIV-positive and living in poverty cannot conceive of paying for their meds on their own. To be sure, many more HIV-positive individuals with private insurance are also in need of ADAP due to the high costs and/or inadequate coverage.

Yet in the face of this incredible need, states continue to slash funding and place more HIV-positive people on waiting lists. As of March 1o, ADAP waiting lists have grown to 7,261 people in 11 states. More and more people are struggling to afford their medications and the result is more people seeking ADAP assistance. Unfortunately, many of them are turned away outright, or placed on these waiting lists. It is becoming a vicious cycle with HIV-positive people becoming the victims of budget cuts and for-profit company bottom lines.

When we began reporting on the ADAP Crisis, there were 5,100 people in 10 states on waiting lists. This was on January 15, 2011. In just two months, this number has climbed by 2,161 people. This is becoming an even more severe crisis. And remember, this is only the people who have been actively placed on state waiting lists. This number does not account for the thousands more HIV+ individuals across the nation who have been rejected from the program outright, or who have avoided the process altogether because of the lack of assistance.

Every day a person is forced to wait to start her HIV medications is one day closer to her seeing a progression of her HIV disease and a drastic decline in her health.

To date, pharma has not proposed any changes or responded to this crisis. Please join us in urging them to provide low cost HIV medications. Pharma can help ensure that the ADAP Crisis in America does not continue to worsen. They can help ensure another person does not die from HIV/AIDS due to lack of medications. They can truly ensure that all HIV+ people live a long and healthy life.

To read the post on Change.org, click here

Filed under: Change.org, Health, HIV/AIDS, Poverty | Leave a Comment »

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