Child’s Birthday May Also Be Mom’s PostPartum Depression Anniversary

Posted on May 26, 2011 by elizabethlombino

This is a piece I’ve been working on for quite a while. Now that my daughter is four, and her birthday isn’t for another few months, I feel ready to share it.

A child’s birthday is full of happy, joyous moments. As parents, we relish in watching our child burst with excitement. We shower them with toys and love. The day is a celebration of the birth of our child. It’s a time to remember that precious moment and to overflow with pride at how much our child has grown. The day means celebration, sugar-highs, and pure joy.

Yet for me, as my daughter’s first birthday was approaching, I felt none of this. Everyone around me was full of excitement and on some sort of cloud of bliss. Whatever feelings of happiness I had were overshadowed by a looming sense of dread and fear. For weeks I couldn’t figure out what was going on. All I could feel was confusion and a sense of failure at not feeling what was “expected” of me.

Then somehow it hit me ~ I was feeling anxious because my daughter’s birthday also was the anniversary of the onset of my PostPartum Depression. In my case, I felt the effects of my Perinatal Mood Disorder from the moment I went into labor with her. The next year of her life was a blur for me, emotionally speaking. Then it comes time for her birthday, and instead of elation, I feel anxious and uneasy. It was one of the most confusing times in my life. It felt as if I was about to go into labor all over again. Memories flooded me as my mind replayed many of the difficulties I experienced. All of this while I was also trying to truly enjoy this precious moment in my daughter’s life. Equal parts joy and trauma.

Anniversaries are powerful moments in our lives. The word is often attached to the joyous occasions most of us experience in our culture, like wedding anniversaries. Yet there are plenty of other, more challenging anniversaries that many people experience, yet often do not acknowledge to the outside world. The anniversary of the death of a loved one. The anniversary of being diagnosed with a life-threatening illness. The anniversary of September 11, 2001. Many people have clear, visceral reactions to the approaching day. In my Social Work practice, I’ve worked with many people who struggle the most the same time each year as an anniversary approaches. We often work to better prepare them for the moment. They have come to realize that they will be consumed with many conflicting and potent emotions during this time. We work together to prepare them and help them get through this time in the most positive way possible.

I have come to fully appreciate and respect the power of all anniversaries on us as human beings. If any one of us experiences a life-changing moment – whether positive or negative – we never forget that moment. We may learn ways to resume living our lives, yet when that same date comes around the next calendar year, it’s almost a guarantee that our emotions will get stirred up all over again. To not fully acknowledge this process will only cause greater distress and confusion. This is exactly what was going on for me.

Our daughter’s first birthday party was small and intimate – just a few close family members and Mia’s first taste of pure sugar. It was a sweet day. We were mindful to keep it simple and to focus on all the positives, while helping to ease my tension and anxiety. As we toasted her first year, I also toasted my family for helping me get through. It was my way of acknowledging both her birthday and my anniversary.

This process gets easier for me each year, yet it is still such a difficult contrast for me to accept. Being a mom can be so wonderful and so confusing. We have beautiful children, yet we may also be struggling with our emotions and the adjustment. Our children’s birthdays are a clear indication and reminder of this. All the intense emotions all wrapped up and jumbled together.

Acknowledging this anniversary is so powerful for me. I have more practice now that we’ve had four of her birthdays. Now, not only do I plan for her party, I also begin arming myself with extra self-care strategies. I’m able to face the anniversary and all the feelings that accompany it. I am certain to care for myself even more so that I am better able to focus on Mia and her birthday. In doing so, we can give her the crazy, silly, sugar-filled celebration that she wants … and I’m right there with her, celebrating the day of her birth.

Filed under: Hope Notes, Mental Illness, Motherhood, One and Done, Parenting, PerinatalMoodDisorders, Self-Care | 4 Comments »

Stress: “Is It Worth Losing a T-Cell?”

Posted on May 26, 2011 by elizabethlombino

Post originally published on TheBody.com ~ Spread Hope: A Therapist’s Guide to Living and Laughing With HIV/AIDS

I probably don’t need to tell you that our lives are full of tons of stress. Money, relationships, terror alerts, traffic, unemployment, poverty, the endless circus of GOP candidates, finding out your partner had a child with your maid 10 years ago (okay, maybe that one is specific to a certain Kindergarten Cop).

When you are living with HIV/AIDS, stress can be intensified. Okay, that’s a total understatement. Stress can be like a tornado swirling with HIV-related debris coming at you from every angle. Doctor’s appointments, endless blood work, waiting for results of blood work, HIV medications, additional medications to off-set the countless side-effects of HIV medications, financial strain, treatment fatigue, stigma, discrimination, disclosure issues … I could go on with this list, yet that would mean this blog post would be insanely long. Plus, we need to move on to the part where we help you relieve the stress.

There is abundant research that shows a clear connection between our minds and bodies, especially as it pertains to stress. Think about it — when you experience stress, you feel it in your body. Maybe your muscles tighten, your heart races, your stomach gets upset, you have trouble sleeping. These are just some of the ways stress can impact our bodies.

Just as our bodies feel the stress of our minds, we can use our bodies to help relieve the stress. Something as simple as taking a deep breath can work wonders in reducing the impact of stress on our bodies. Try it right now. Take a nice, deep, cleansing breath. It helps us to slow down, to provide our muscles with much-needed oxygen, and to slow our heart rate. Of course, the stressful situation is still here, yet our minds and bodies are much better equipped to deal with the stress.

For those living with HIV/AIDS, using your bodies to minimize stress is essential. The impact of stressful issues can be detrimental to your overall health and well-being. Stress not only negatively affects your body and mind, it also can further compromise your immune system. When feeling excessive stress, your T-cell count can lower. This is true for those without compromised immune systems as well. Yet, if the goal is to raise your T-cell count, how you handle stress can be counter-productive in this goal.

In one of the therapy groups I ran, I had a client who talked about stress relief as a necessity for her. She had a saying that has stuck with me: “Is this situation worth me losing a T cell over?” She would talk about her life, the stress she encountered, and always ask that question. As others would be discussing their stressors, she would ask them the same question. It was incredibly powerful and helped everyone see their lives in a new way.

Now of course I realize this is all easier said than done. “Relieve stress, no problem!” I realize it’s not this easy. If it were, there would not be a Self-Help aisle in every single book store across the country. Stress relief is something that takes practice and requires you to be in touch with your body and mind. Do you know where you feel stress in your body? Take a moment to think about it. I listed some of the places above. Maybe you feel stress in all of those places. Maybe your neck tightens, or your jaw locks, or your back aches. Stress settles in our bodies. Only when we pay attention to our bodies can we tell where our stress is and take steps to relieve it.

For me, my muscles tighten and ache. All of my muscles. My face, my hands, my back, even my feet. If I let the stress settle in these places, clearly I would have some trouble getting around. So for me, exercise, stretching and breathing work wonders. As I breathe in, I focus my breath to the muscles that are tight. I breathe out and focus on relaxing those muscles. It helps so much. Of course I’ve been doing this for years now. It took a ton of practice. So it’s okay if you don’t feel relief on the first try.

In addition, it’s perfectly fine if a strategy doesn’t work for you. For some people, breathing doesn’t work very well. Especially if you are the type of person who has difficulty focusing or slowing down. It may take more practice, or it may not work effectively at all. That’s okay. What works for one person may not work for another. That’s the beauty of stress relief — it’s personal and there are a ton of options to try. Keep trying something until you feel some relief.

Here’s a brief and not comprehensive list of some stress relieving strategies: breathing, exercise, light stretching/yoga, listening to music, playing music, dancing, quiet time, looking at a calming picture, closing your eyes and visualizing a calm place (like the forest or beach), calling a friend, humor, taking a walk, chocolate, prayer, writing, therapy, reading a good book, taking a bubble bath, massage.

Remember, none of these will take stress away completely. Sorry, I wish I could wave a magic wand and all stress would vanish. These strategies are meant to reduce the impact of stress on your mind and body. To assist you in feeling refreshed, energized, and better equipped to deal with the stress. To help you not lose excess T cells but rather, assist you in feeling healthier and happier.

Try one or more and see what works for you! I plan to discuss many of these more specifically in future posts. Please also feel free to share some of your favorite stress-relieving tips in the comments! The more ideas and tools we all have, the healthier and happier we will all be. So always ask yourself: Is this situation worth losing a T cell over?

To read the post on TheBody.com, please click here. 

Filed under: Body.com, Health, HIV/AIDS, Hope Notes, Self-Care, Stress Reduction | Leave a Comment »

May is Mental Health Awareness Month

Posted on May 20, 2011 by elizabethlombino

May is Mental Health Awareness Month. This is an important month for me both professionally and personally. As a Social Worker, I work with many clients who are struggling with Mental Health issues. I have also experienced Mental Health issues myself as a survivor of PostPartum Depression.

There is such disarming stigma around Mental Health issues. When I meet with my clients, many of them have experienced this stigma first hand. Maybe they have been treated differently within their own families and social circles because of their issues. Maybe they have avoided seeking treatment due to the stigma attached. Much of the work we do is around attempting to disarm the stigma and help them to realize that it is a huge strength to seek help. To let them know just how common Mental Health issues are. To let them know they are not alone.

The stigma and isolation are heartbreaking and completely unnecessary. Mental Health issues are primarily medical diagnoses with clear physical symptoms, just like many other medical issues, including cardiovascular disease. Yet Mental Health issues are treated differently. They are viewed differently. Therefore, countless people continue to suffer and struggle needlessly due to this discrimination.

This is why Mental Health Awareness Month is so incredibly important. Working to reduce the stigma and raise awareness is so important for the recovery of thousands. To that end, here are several statistics and other information on Mental Health issues, mostly from the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI):

Mental Illnesses are more common than cancer, diabetes or heart disease

Close to 60% of adults will experience a Mental Health issue in any given year

About 1 in 10 children are struggling with a Mental Health issue

Anyone is susceptible to a Mental Health issue, regardless of age, ethnicity, race, socio-economic status, creed, or family of origin

Fewer than one-third of adults and one-half of children with a Mental Health issue receive treatment in a given year

Racial and ethnic minorities are more likely to have more barriers to care and overall receive a lower standard of care

Myth: People with Mental Illness are violent and unpredictable

Fact: People with Mental Illnesses  are much more likely to be the victims of crime, not the perpetrator

Male veterans are twice as likely to commit suicide compared to the general population

Over 50% of students age 14 and older who have a Mental Health issue will drop out of school

Treatment of Mental Illnesses has an incredibly high success rate – between 70% – 90% of those treated reported a significant reduction in symptoms and improved quality of life

Simply put, treatment works, if you can get it. But in America today, it is clear that many people living with mental illness are not provided with the essential treatment they need ~ Michael J. Fitzpatrick, Executive Director of NAMI, National

It’s more important to know the person with the disease than to know the disease the person has ~ Dr W. Osler Johns Hopkins

In the words of the National Alliance on Mental Illness, Massachusetts Chapter (NAMIMass, via Twitter) ~ thanks our friends/supporters for helping us to educate & empower people. Our message of hope reaches farther with our combined voices. Spread awareness and spread hope!!!

Filed under: Health, Hope Notes, Mental Illness, PerinatalMoodDisorders, Self-Care, Social Work, Strengths Perspective, Stress Reduction | Leave a Comment »

The Peace & Power of the Ocean

Posted on May 19, 2011 by elizabethlombino

The ocean has always been a source of peace and power for me. Since I was a little girl I’ve been in love with the ocean, with water. I could spend hours at the beach (and I did; on the Jersey Shore, to be exact) just looking at the waves.

To this day I still find such a sense of calm when looking at the water. The waves are just so mesmerizing. My mind is allowed to wander, to search for meaning and purpose. With each new wave, there is a new thought. Things become clear as I watch the waves. I feel somehow grounded and secure in my own sense of being. My problems become small in comparison to the enormity of the ocean. My thoughts find meaning.

Somehow my mind is able to stop swimming as I stare at the waves.

I’ve come to rely on the waves of the ocean at times of uncertainty or unrest. In a way, the ocean is my source of spiritual strength. My church. My temple. My place for reflection and spiritual guidance. I can look at the waves and reveal my struggles, my hopes, my dreams, my fears, and my goals in life. I am reaching out to a power greater than myself. I am seeking guidance, calm, serenity.

A few minutes within the presence of the water and I feel revived. I feel transformed and invigorated. Better able to face whatever struggles I am dealing with. Better equipped to deal with what my life has to offer. Some of the power of the ocean has inhabited my mind. I feel confident and refreshed. The beauty of nature.

I will always feel a connection to the ocean, to water. The waves continue to inspire me. They continue to marvel me. The same waves I see today are perhaps the same waves I watched as a child. The water may be almost exactly the same. That is a remarkable thought. The waves continue on. They have been around for centuries and they will continue on for future generations to enjoy. There is such a sense of survival and inspiration in that thought.

The ocean means serenity. It means calm and peace. It means beauty. It means hope.

With the ocean, I know that we are all part of something magical. I know that we are all together in our search for peace and harmony. We are all part of nature, part of the earth. The beauty and strength of the ocean provides us all with the hope we need.

Filed under: Hope Notes, Motherhood, Self-Care, Stress Reduction | 1 Comment »

Major Opinion on Major HIV/AIDS Crisis

Posted on May 16, 2011 by elizabethlombino

Originally published on TheBody.com ~ Spread Hope: A Therapist’s Guide to Living & Laughing with HIV/AIDS 

In a breath of fresh air, The New York Times Op/Ed writer Charles M. Blow provides a well-rounded, well-researched, and thought-provoking commentary on the need for our government to pay more attention to the ADAP Crisis.

AIDS Drug Assistance Programs (ADAP) provide financial assistance to low-income people living with HIV/AIDS in paying for their critical and life-saving medications. As HIV meds continue to be incredibly expensive, more and more people are seeking financial assistance.  Unfortunately, states across the country continue to cut funding to this valuable program, thereby denying these crucial medications to thousands of people living with HIV/AIDS.  HIV medications are necessary to treat and manage HIV/AIDS and to prevent disease progression. These medications are necessary to keep a person living with HIV/AIDS alive. Indeed, they are the very reason HIV is now a chronic disease, and not acutely life-threatening. Yet with cuts in funding, and other limitations to access to the medications, many HIV+ people will no doubt experience a sharp decline in their health. HIV/AIDS will become a seriously life-threatening disease.

This is all unnecessary and preventable. As The New York Times article makes clear from the start, “treatment as prevention.” The piece highlights recent research that found that HIV+ individuals who were on antiretroviral medications from the time of their diagnosis (early treatment) were 96 percent less likely to pass on the disease than those who were not on early treatment. This is huge news in the world of HIV/AIDS for two reasons:

1. Early treatment is essential in effectively preserving the health of an HIV+ person, and

2. Early treatment can also help prevent further spread of HIV.

As ADAPs across the country cut their funding and change their criteria for eligibility, this research shows that to continue to cut funding to ADAPs is doing a huge disservice to those living with HIV/AIDS and to HIV prevention efforts.

This is an issue close to my heart. I’ve been writing and advocating for the ADAP Crisis for months now. States continue to underfund their programs and enact longer waiting lists. Some states are revamping the criteria for eligibility for the program (including indicating that a person’s immune system needs to be further compromised before financial assistance can be provided, shifting the income level that would indicate a person’s need for assistance, and other program cost-containment strategies) thereby cutting more and more patients from the program all together.

In addition, pharmaceutical companies almost universally ignore the pleas to lower the cost of these insanely expensive medications. Here’s a striking example of the cost disparity for HIV/AIDS medications: one newer medication by Merck, called Isentress, can cost over $13,000 a year. By comparison, the popular cholesterol-lowering drug Lipitor costs around $2 per day, or $730 a year. Seriously?

For The New York Times to publish an Op/Ed on this issue is huge. Blow clearly did his research and highlights many of the bleak statistics and outcomes of underfunding ADAPs. He is firm and persuasive in his writing. Exactly the type of commentary needed to raise awareness. In the 30-year history of HIV/AIDS, there have been incredible advancements in treatments. Now, HIV is a chronic disease. People can live long, healthy lives with HIV… when they are on a consistent, specific and life-long medication regimen. People can still die from complications related to HIV disease progression if they are not on a medication regimen.

Blow’s point that many of those who need assistance are those who are some of our most disenfranchised members of society cannot be glossed over. Many of the HIV-positive patients who are cut from ADAPs are those with little to no political power or financial resources. Our nation’s financial climate is not improving and as such, many of the most vulnerable residents are the ones who will suffer the consequences. In addition, many of these people are stigmatized and disenfranchised for multiple reasons: for being HIV-positive, for living in poverty, for being a person of color, for being gay. Historically, these are the populations most often ignored and marginalized by our nation. The ADAP Crisis encompasses this and as such, it too has been ignored.

Blow writes: “Not only is it morally reprehensible to restrict or deny life-saving drugs to those who need them (talk about death panels), it is a colossal miscalculation of public health policy, not to mention fiscally irresponsible.”

If our nation continues to treat people living with HIV/AIDS in this way, we will no doubt repeat the mistakes of the epidemic early on. We will see a resurgence in the spread of HIV. People will not seek testing as they will fear the implications of a positive result. There is already intense fear and stigma attached to an HIV-positive diagnosis. When we add lack of support, financial burden, lack of treatment, further stigma and discrimination, HIV/AIDS will become silent once again. As we all learned from the early years of the epidemic: silence = death.

We all need to do our part to ensure HIV/AIDS does not go silent again. Let’s hope Congress is listening.

To read the piece on TheBody.com, click here.  

Filed under: Body.com, Change.org, Health, HIV/AIDS, Hope Notes, LGBTQ, Poverty, Social Media, Strengths Perspective | Leave a Comment »

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