It’s no secret that my husband and I have decided to have one child. I have written about this topic and have shared my thoughts openly. We are proud of our decision. Yet, as I’ve discussed, those around us seem to be more uncomfortable with our decision than we are.
I have found solace and wide support among the many moms and dads I have met through social media outlets. Many have their own unique family dynamic and we share our stories. We don’t judge, we share and connect in an amazing way. The support of my fellow moms is priceless.
That is until I opened my email this morning. I’m on a few email lists related to all things mommyhood. For the most part, they provide useful tips and some much needed laughter. However, the email alert I got this morning just pissed me off. The tag line read “Why you should not decide to have an only child.” Really? Really. One view of my inbox and I am faced with a guilt-ridden message telling me how horrible I am as a mother for my decision to have an only child.
Ok, I didn’t take it that hard. I’m not so shallow to let a silly email affect me (yet here I am writing this piece). It’s just another reminder that while my husband and I are content with our parenting decision, the world around us just can’t let it go. Our culture can be so incredibly judgmental towards parents. It’s annoying and exhausting. That’s one of the main reasons I have gotten so involved with moms groups within social media. I have found moms and dads around the world who are fun, imperfect, beautiful, open, supportive, and just plain real. I know I am not alone.
So to read this tag line just made me feel deflated. The article itself was decent — full of moms sharing their decisions to have one child or to add more children. The comments were actually even better. Plenty of moms shared my disappointment and pointed out the bias of the article.
One of the best points, that was brought out a few times within the comments, is the assumption that parents have the choice of how many children they have. There are so many factors that could influence this — secondary infertility, PPD, and other health issues. Not to mention finances, lifestyle, and other factors. Those who do have the choice to expand their family may have a very difficult time making that choice. Many more families do not have any choice at all. The article acts as if we all have the luxury of choosing.
When we are able to make a choice, it’s important for us to have all the information. Articles like this provide several viewpoints and opinions. Of course it is helpful to hear all sides of a story from real moms and dads. This is the beauty of on-line parenting resources. However, the guilt-ridden language just reinforces the judgments and unrealistic expectations that all of us parents face each day. So unnecessary.
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Filed under: Hope Notes, Just for Laughs, Motherhood, Parenting, PerinatalMoodDisorders, Self-Care, Working Mom
That’s why I say we need to trust our own guts, especially with something as important as parenthood. Good for you. It’s hard though, especially when a seed has been planted.