New Column for BCCS Newsletter!

Posted on March 23, 2012 by elizabethlombino

About 9 months ago, I re-entered the world of Full Time employment by becoming the Director of Behavioral Health Treatment & Education at Brandywine Counseling & Community Services, Inc. (BCCS). We are a very large Substance Use and Mental Health treatment facility with several sites throughout the entire state of Delaware. We have around 150 employees total and serve thousands of adults and families struggling with these disorders every year.

So far, I am loving my new role. One of the things I most enjoy doing is working to unify our scattered sites and to boost morale among all of our employees. It is a huge challenge since we are spread out all over the state. Yet I know it can be done and I am determined to make it happen. One mechanism we have in place is an internal staff Newsletter where we post stories of accomplishment, highlight initiatives going on and celebrate the incredibly difficult and rewarding work we all do on a daily basis. I have been utilizing the Newsletter to communicate more collectively with all of our employees. To that end, I came up with the idea of having a recurring column directed at boosting morale and offering inspiration to all employees.

Employee Enhancement was born!

Below is the first column. The ideas written are helpful for not only the employees of BCCS, but for all of us. Please read and consider applying some of the ideas and tricks to your everyday life!

Employee Enhancement – Improving the Lives of BCCS Employees, One Newsletter Column at a Time

Welcome to Employee Enhancement – A recurring feature in our BCCS Newsletter that will focus on providing tips, inspiration, and ideas that you can use to reduce stress and improve your overall professional life here at BCCS!

This first installment will focus on the concept of being Person Active.

This is a philosophy that was developed by Harold Benjamin, PhD, that asserts: “If you take an active role in your life, you will improve your overall quality of life.”

This basically means that if you are passive and allow the world to move along without you, your life will not be as enjoyable as you would like. However, if you actively choose to be involved in your life and make choices for the improvement of your life, you will see an increase in your overall satisfaction. It is a simple concept that works. It is also something many of us take for granted way too easily. Something we have to remind ourselves of on a daily (or even hourly) basis.

Here is an example: Office gossip and negative attitudes. We all have seen this on many different levels among many of our co-workers (or within ourselves at times).  There will be bad days, difficult customers, challenging meetings. We are all entitled to have some frustrating feelings from time to time. However, what if you see this type of atmosphere on a regular basis? How do you respond? Are you passive in the process and just turn the other way? Maybe you think that it’s always going to be there and there’s nothing you can do about it, so why bother trying to make change?

There is another way to approach this issue – the Person Active way. You can choose to take an active role in shifting the overall environment and culture of you team, of your program, of your site. You can be the positive voice in the meeting. You can tell someone that you do not want to participate in gossip or complain about a customer. You can help your co-workers reframe complaining to be more productive and to find solutions. You can smile more and laugh more and be the source of positive energy among your team.  Just as negative energy can be contagious, so is positive energy. If you take an active role in being more positive and energetic throughout all aspects of your work, others will follow. At the very least, taking this active stance will certainly improve the overall quality of your day!

This concept can also be shared with our customers. We all know of those customers who are more active in their overall treatment and that we tend to see greater progress among them. It is also empowering for customers to gain a greater understanding that they have a say in their overall recovery. They have more control than they may believe. We can help reinforce this with them. This is also part of our agency shift to more Person-Centered and Trauma Informed Care.

So give it a try! Be Person Active and see if you feel your life improving!

“Be the change you seek to see in the world.” Gandhi

Filed under: Social Work, Hope Notes, Compassion Fatigue, Self-Care, Stress Reduction, Addiction/Substance Use, Strengths Perspective, Mental Illness, Harm Reduction, Working Mom | Leave a Comment »

The Invisible Lives of LGBTQ Homeless Youth

Posted on March 21, 2012 by elizabethlombino

Post also featured on TheBody.com ~ Spread Hope: A Therapist’s Guide to Living and Laughing with HIV

Imagine being a young person and being kicked out of your home for being “different”. Imagine finding a shred of hope in a welcoming shelter with other young people struggling with similar experiences. Then imagine feeling in danger of this hope and shelter being taken away. Imagine worrying that you will once again be thrown away, back to the streets. That some of your only means of survival is to engage in risky behaviors. To feel you have no other choice but to risk your health and safety just for a meal or a place to sleep.

Homeless youth, as a population, are some of the most disenfranchised individuals in our country. Many of these young people are also LGBTQ, which adds another level of vulnerability and stigma. The risks of these teens are countless, including drug abuse, violence, contraction of HIV and other STIs, and ultimately death. To make things worse, this subculture is often hidden and ignored. Recently there was a good piece written by the Associated Press that brought light to the many struggles of these young kids. We need to continue to raise awareness.

What is so difficult to comprehend is that many LGBTQ youth are homeless because they are rejected by those who are supposed to love them no matter what. Many of these kids were told by their caregivers that they are no longer welcome in their own home with their family. They literally are thrown out onto the streets because of who they are. In addition, there are other youth who feel they need to flee from their home in order to protect themselves. Perhaps a parent knows his child is gay and proceeds to abuse her relentlessly. She may leave home in the hope of escaping the abuse. She may feel it is safer to risk survival on the streets than to stay at home with consistent and severe abuse.

When we hear about young people living away from their home, we tend to lump them all together with the term “Runaway.” Our society is quick to judge these kids as the problem – that they ran away from home because they were disrespectful and unable to tolerate authority. Yet the reality is that most homeless youth are living on the streets because they were kicked out of their homes, or they feel so unsafe living with their caregivers who do not accept them as they are. The more accurate term for these youth is “Throwaways.”

Homeless LGBTQ youth are at a severely high risk of engaging in self-destructive behaviors as a means to survive. The practice of “survival sex” is common among them as literally a means of living to see the next day. The risk of contracting HIV is high among this group because of the risky behaviors. Condom negotiation often cannot even be factored in since a young person may be faced to choose between engaging in a sexual activity without a condom or spending the night outside. This is no choice at all. There is also a greater risk of violence and abuse, even within homeless shelters. Rape, forced drug use and other dangers increase the risk of exposure to HIV. Factor in a lack of resources and the strong instinct to survive and it’s a formula for utter hopelessness and disaster.

We need to provide support, safe housing, food and other necessities to ALL of our youth to ensure they do not have to turn to unsafe survival mechanisms that could eventually lead to further spread of HIV and other STIs.  Yet, unfortunately in recent years, funding has been cut to these supportive youth services, including in areas like New York City.

We cannot allow this to happen. Our children deserve so much better than this. They deserve a chance at a future.

To read the piece on TheBody.com, click here.

Filed under: Body.com, HIV/AIDS, Homelessness, LGBTQ | Leave a Comment »

One and Done – The Kid’s Perspective

Posted on March 18, 2012 by elizabethlombino

It is no secret that Rich and I are having one child. We are One and Done.

This is a decision we made as a team, based on many factors. We are completely at peace with our decision and we love our sweet little family.

Well, now that our daughter Mia is getting bigger (she’s now 5 and a half), she is becoming more aware of who she is and what she wants. And what she wants now is a little sister. Great. It’s difficult enough justifying our decision to the adults around us, now we need to figure out a way to justify it to her. And not only justify it, also have her clearly buy into it since she is going to have to live this life. Crap.

The hints started pouring in several months ago. She would come home from school and say something about her friends’ sisters or babies she saw. She has known many kids her age with brothers and sisters, older and younger, yet it never seemed to affect her in any real way, good or bad. Well, now she is super aware of all things sibling related. She started saying things to me like “when you have another baby” or “when I become a big sister.” At first I thought it was cute and would just giggle along with her. Then she got serious.

One day, we were getting ready for bed and getting super cuddly. She said to me, in her sweetest, most manipulative voice, “Mommy, I want a baby sister.” I realized right away just how serious she was and that I needed to be honest with her and discuss this in an age-appropriate and sensitive way.

“Well, honey, first off, if Daddy and I decide to have another baby, we may not have a girl. We could also have a boy. We can’t choose to have a girl.”

At the mention of a possible baby brother, Mia’s face fell and she said “oh” in a very deflated tone. In my mind, I was doing the happy dance! Crisis averted! Game over, Mommy = 1, precocious 5 year old = 0.

Then I saw her pensive face and I decided to let her know the whole story. Hell, she’s only getting older and the questions will keep coming in. May as well tackle it head on. Here goes … “Also, Mia, Daddy and I decided that we are just going to have you as our daughter. We aren’t going to have any more babies.”

She looked at me, in a very curious and thoughtful way, pondered this for a minute, and said “Really? Okay.” We then got into bed and she went to sleep. That’s it? It’s over? Easiest thing ever!

Of course it wasn’t over. My 5 and a half years of Mommyhood should have reminded me that NO conversation is ever over. Ever. But I was basking in the drama-free haze of Mia not wanting a little brother. I totally let my guard down. The next morning she wakes up and declares to me, again in her sugary sweet voice, “Mommy, I decided I want a baby brother. That would be okay too.” Fudge.

So I explained our family decision to her again. She took in this information again, perhaps believing it a little more this time, because again she just said “okay” and that was it. And it hasn’t come up again since.

Of course it will likely come up again, many more times, in many different contexts over the years. Our daughter is super smart and curious about the world around her. Most of her friends have siblings. It is a natural question. So I will always be prepared to discuss it with her. She seems content in this decision for now. She knows she is loved and that we will be honest and open with her. That is all that matters to her now. That is all that matters to us as well.

And hey, we did point out to her that when she gets a little older, she can get a baby puppy. She was pretty excited about that.

Here’s the original post: One and Done: Reducing the Stigma of Having an Only Child

Filed under: Hope Notes, Motherhood, Parenting, Self-Care, Stress Reduction, Just for Laughs, Strengths Perspective, Women's Rights, Working Mom, One and Done | 4 Comments »

The Tooth Fairy: A Horror Story

Posted on March 9, 2012 by elizabethlombino

For most children, the Tooth Fairy is seen as a wonderful addition to their young life.

Not my child.

Mia has feared the Tooth Fairy since the day her baby teeth began to get even the slightest bit loose and she became aware of the fact that she will *gasp* lose them! This girl does NOT want to lose anything, especially something attached to her body. My husband and I were not off to a good start with this whole process.

So then we thought, in our naive parenting of our precocious daughter, that if we told her about the Tooth Fairy all would be right in the world. Wrong! “You mean she comes in, takes my teeth and puts something under my pillow! While. I’m. ASLEEP! BWAAAAAAA!” Out came the tears and wails that were just not to be soothed. Rich and I just looked at each other like, “ok, we got nothing.” Seriously, not only do we not have a parenting handbook, but if one existed somewhere, I’m certain there would not be a section entitled How to Deal with your Child Who Hates the Tooth Fairy. We are on our own to figure out how to navigate through this strange storm.

Fast forward ahead to one recent evening when it became clear that Mia’s two bottom teeth just had to come out. There were practically dangling out of her mouth, yet she was so upset to “loose” them and for the so-called evil Tooth Fairy to make an appearance that she adamantly clung to them. Needless to say, with tons of crying and convincing, she finally lost her two bottom teeth. Ice cream helped.

Then came the realization of this elusive Tooth Fairy actually entering our home. Even with the promise of money, Mia was still just utterly disgusted and fearful of the entire process. So with plenty of bargaining and compromising, we came up with the following rules that we were to relay to this elusive Tooth Fairy. Only when these rules were clearly stated and restated with emphasis was Mia willing to get into her bed. I swear, this girl is destined to be a kick-ass trial attorney.

Rule #1. Mia is to keep her teeth. The Tooth Fairy cannot even *think* of taking them. We put them in a safe container that is to remain nowhere near her bedroom. We also had to promise to call Miss Tooth Fairy to ensure she understood that her teeth will not be taken. Or touched. Or seen. At all. Ever.

Rule #2. The Tooth Fairy is to NOT put ANYTHING under her pillow. She indicated a nice, clean spot on her bedside table that this fairy could place her goodies. Mia was totally freaked out by the concept of someone coming anywhere near her head. Oy.

Rule #3. The Tooth Fairy is to be quick and quiet in her work. Mia said that she sometimes opens her eyes in the middle of the night, and she assured us that if she happened to open her eyes and see this flying tooth-stealer, she would scream. Loudly. I believe her. Given our luck, she would open her eyes, see one of us putting the money in the exact spot and then that would lead to a whole other conversation. I’m just way too exhausted at this point.

Well, given Mia’s strict requirements, the Tooth Fairy seemed to do her job well. Mia woke up to her money next to her bed and her teeth still in the container where she left them. She declared “The Tooth Fairy must have been quick and quiet because I didn’t open my eyes once!” Thank goodness this was a “success.” She was actually smiling and pleased with the outcome. Well of course she is. She was so damn strict with her demands, for it to not be a success would have pushed both of us over the edge. Now if she can keep up these clear boundaries as she becomes a teenager, we may actually be able to enjoy her complex mind.

Of course we’ll have to see how she responds to the next loose tooth. At least we know a bit more of what to expect. Because we certainly did not expect any of this. Oh the joys of parenting.

Picture of Mia with her missing teeth pending. She also *refuses* to let us take her picture. Of course.

Filed under: Just for Laughs, Motherhood, One and Done, Parenting | 7 Comments »

I am Woman, Hear Me Freak the F#&K Out!!!

Posted on March 4, 2012 by elizabethlombino

Sexism in the 21st Century, as summed up by Andy Borowitz: “(Rick) Santorum believes in the rights of the unborn child, but once she’s born he thinks it’s OK for Rush (Limbaugh) to call her a slut.”

Seriously. Did we all fall asleep one night and wake up in a different era?

Just a few years ago, we were all full of progressive thought and movement. We have our first President of color, we are passing gay marriage laws in more and more states… The possibilities and HOPE were gaining momentum. Change was happening.

So then what? Did we all drink too much of this Hope-filled wine and wake up to the worst Victorian-esque hangover ever? Now we have bloated a-holes calling women “sluts” for wanting contraception. We have members of the GOP wanting to set up shop in our uteruses and declare men the keeper of all things reproductive. What on earth is going on? My inner feminist is screaming in protest and I would burn my bra, if my boobs could adequately handle the loss on their own. This gesture is a bit drastic for me now that I’m clearly NOT of college age.

In a sad way, this kind of makes sense. Think about it… those insecure men who have despised the day that Obama took office (since somehow it is symbolic of the apocalypse) are grasping to anything and everything they can to shift the momentum. (I realize there are women who share the same views of some of these crazy men, I just can’t bring myself to add them to this mix. That is just an awareness I would rather keep buried deep, deep, DEEP down. Hopefully these so-called women will snap out of their delusion soon. Hope…) They act out of fear. They prey on fear. They perpetuate a culture of fear. And guess what, So-Called Modern “Men”, fear just does not fit with the culture so many of us have created today. We no longer operate with a few, seemingly powerful people running the country and the rest of us cowering in a corner. “Please, sir, may I have another?” Really. We have all been working so hard to ensure this type of society gets demolished. (Unless we are looking at Wall Street. Which we are not. Maybe next piece.) Obama became the symbol and reality of that shift. No longer are there the few who call the shots and those that obey.  Please, even marriage has evolved beyond “obey”. It has evolved beyond heterosexuality! And that’s just it. Those few insecure men who feel that somehow all is lost are freaking out that not only are homosexuals gaining “power” and having a voice, but even women (who by the way, have had power for quite some time) are becoming even more powerful and speaking up for all that is unjust in the world.

These so-called men just can’t take it anymore!

As sick and twisted as this is, I kind of enjoy watching them squirm. For so long it has been all of us who have felt pushed down, not heard, not seen, screaming to open air with no one paying attention. Now, not only are these men creating crazy arguments, those of us who have felt the power shift are not paying attention to them in the way they intended. I don’t even think their followers think they are sane at this point.

Here’s another thought: There have been journalists and other media people being fired over making racist comments. Absolutely needs to be done, no question. Yet, why has Rush Limbaugh not been fired over his sexist comment? Perhaps time will assist in how this story plays out. Yet seriously, this man is paid millions to spew hate against women (and many other people) and there are no consequences. Except several of his sponsors backing out from supporting his show. Maybe that’s what will speak louder to him – losing money.

Feminism looks so much different now than it did when I was in college. And not just because now I can’t go more than 5 minutes without a bra and I have many more gray hairs. It’s also because as a movement we are louder and more respected. Being a feminist isn’t as much of a “dirty” word as it was many years ago. We have blended in with mainstream more. We’re not the stereotypical tree-hugging, hemp-wearing, incense-burning woman. Of course feminism hasn’t always looked like this anyway, despite what Rush Limbaugh would have you believe. I am proud to be a feminist, a mom, a professional. I can cook my family an amazing dinner, wear heels to work, and also be a tremendous feminist working and fighting for women’s rights.

We truly can have it all now. This is what I love about being a feminist.

The other huge thing I love about this movement now is the Social Media component. This is what I believe to be a HUGE factor in our collective voice. Now we can use Social Media to raise hell and find ways to heal and laugh as well. Look at the debacle with the Susan G. Komen Foundation. I truly believe the result would have been the same, however, it would not have happened as swiftly and as loudly as it did without the powerful influence of Twitter and Facebook. The moment the news broke that Komen would not be funding Planned Parenthood, all the most powerful women I follow on Twitter were building united fronts and planning events day and night. I saw Sandra Bernhard and Lizz Winstead and others tweeting at all hours back and forth building momentum and raising hell. It was one of the most beautiful moments to witness. Women were taking the power back and turning a devastating decision into a uniting force and ultimately effected the needed change. It was awe-inspiring.

Clearly we have more work to do. Of course there will always be delusional assholes like Rush Limbaugh and Rick Santorum. That’s reality. At the same time, we can continue to unite and use the power we have to affect change. The voices of these insecure men will be a mere whisper compared to the roar of the modern feminist.

Filed under: Social Work, Hope Notes, Social Media, Just for Laughs, Strengths Perspective, LGBTQ, Women's Rights | 3 Comments »

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