One and Done Happiness

A few days ago we had a play date with a new family. Mia and her new friend, a sweet little girl, played alongside the new girl’s 2 older brothers. We invited the new parents to stay with us and chat. We watched all of our children be children as we discussed parenting and enjoyed some snacks. There was a lot of noise in our house that afternoon. The hearty laughter and high energy that is 4 young children.

It was a great, and rather exhausting, afternoon.

As our new friends left, Mia practically collapsed on the couch. I was right behind her. We cuddled and discussed the day. I decided to take this opportunity to ask her how she felt being an only child. Even though we are incredibly content with our decision of being a One and Done family, I still like to check in with Mia about this every so often to see how she feels about the whole thing.

When I asked her if she wishes she had some brothers or sisters, she shook her head, said no, and paused for a moment. I waited in anticipation for the next words that were certain to flow from her mouth. What would she say? That in fact she does wish she had 2 brothers and 4 sisters? That she hates being an only child? That she loves being an only child? That she wants a cat?

Finally the anticipation was over. She simply said, “I’m hungry.”

Sometimes I’m brought back down to the level of six year old thinking. Oh how I wish every moment could be as uncomplicated and real as this one.

I got our lovely only a snack and sat with her some more. We were quiet for a little while as she munched on her apple slices. The calm quiet settled in our home.

Then Mia looked at me with love in her eyes. She said, “I’m glad it’s just me.” I kissed her forehead and said, “Me too.” She went back to her apples and I once again felt the effortless, pure love that is our sweet little family.

Life with a Pug

Sophie VestHumor is a big part of who I am. Humor is also a major component of our little family and how we parent. Rich and I have been laughing together and being silly for many years now. Our little girl Mia is even goofier than we are. No matter what obstacle we face, our humor gets us through.

Then along came Sophie the Pug.

None of us knew just how funny a Pug could be. Sophie takes our love of humor to a whole new level.

Here are some reasons why Sophie is full of personality. Pugs have big personality and Sophie is a true, pure Pug:

Snorts and Snores ~ When I told people that we wanted a Pug, some dog lovers told us that Pugs are great, but they have respiratory issues and it can be high maintenance and annoying. I had done my research and knew this was one of the biggest (and perhaps only) downside of having a Pug. We went into this Pug Life knowing all about the breathing concerns. What we had no idea about was just how much noise this little creature is capable of making. She is by far the loudest snorer I have ever heard. We had to move her out of our room at night because her snoring kept us awake. Plus she snorts and sneezes and makes other noises I’m not too sure how to describe. She has a habit of sneezing as a greeting, which is less than cute. But all her other snorts and sounds are so endearing. When she’s excited she gasps and snorts all at the same time. We always know where she is because of her sweet snorts. Needless to say, she sucks at hide and seek.

Purring ~ I’m convinced this little Pug is part cat. She sleeps A LOT and she purrs. Maybe it’s part of her snorts, but I swear this girl purrs when she is cuddled. If she’s laying down, snoring softly, and one of us comes to her and pets her, her snores get louder and mimic the purr of a cat. It’s so sweet. She’s using her snorts to tell us just how much she loves us. Now that’s personality.

Head Tilts ~ Pugs are known for their head tilts. If you key in “pug head tilts” on YouTube, dozens of videos come up. Pugs tilt their heads when they hear a word or command they know. Sophie is a pro head-tilter. She perks her ears and tilts her head when she hears Sophie, walk, or cheese. Cheese gets the mega head tilt, followed by a snort of excitement. Our little lady loves her cheese!

Tail ~ Pug tails are curled. Sophie’s tail is coiled into a perfect circle on the top of her back. When she’s super excited, she doesn’t wag her tail, she shakes her butt, which moves her curled tail across her back. It’s too cute. A few weeks into our new relationship with Sophie (who was adopted at age 2), we noticed that her tail would sometimes be straightened out. Usually her tail is so tightly coiled, it was odd to see it flattened out. Soon we figured out that Pugs straighten their tails when they are relaxed or asleep. When Sophie is chillin’ with us and feeling calm, her tail is totally uncurled. Then, if we say one of the key, head tilt worthy words, her tail instantly curls up again! This is an adorable Pug trait that shows just how bold their personality is. It is also another reason that I’m convinced Pugs have some cat in them.Sophie tongue

Tongue ~ So apparently Pugs tend to have their tongues sticking out quite a lot. I had no idea about this, but it is so insanely adorable. She mostly sticks out her tongue when she sleeps. Not sure if her tongue gets stuck in her teeth, or if it helps her breath better, or if she just knows how stinking cute it is, but often there is a sliver of pink protruding from her mostly black snout.

We love our Sophie the Pug. She is so full of life and love. Her personality is feisty, sweet, and unique. Her smoosh face is incredibly delightful (or incredibly ugly if you aren’t a Pug fan). We are so happy to have a Pug in our family. Sophie is Mia’s little sister. Mia is in love with all of her snorts, head tilts, noises, soft fur, and clever tail. We are in love with her charm. She has added so much to our lovely little family.

The humor in our home has reached new heights now that we have Sophie the Pug.

Sophie and Mia

Humor as a Super Power

“A person without a sense of humor is like a wagon without springs. It’s jolted by every pebble on the road.” ~ Henry Ward Beecher

Seriously, humor is a super power. A well developed sense of humor can ease pain, shift a mood, distract a child, ease tension, improve sleep, make you  fun at parties … That is some crazy power.

Humor is helpful in all areas of life ~ parenting, career, family relationships, friendships, marriage/partnerships, politics, pets, while driving, and on and on. When well timed and appropriate, humor is so useful. This past political season would have been virtually unbearable if it weren’t for all the humor. Late night satire, mass Tweeting during the debates, endless memes … humor helped all of us pay attention to politics. And brought some much needed levity to some very serious issues.

Humor has really helped me in my relationship with myself. Through humor, I have let go of so many vices. My confidence has come through, I have built self-esteem, and I have let go of any uptightness (is this a word?) that has hindered me. I can laugh at myself. When a person attempts to make fun of me in a way to make me upset, it just doesn’t work anymore. I can agree with most of what a person would make fun of me about. I am very clear about my quirks and annoying habits. I own them. I laugh at them. I’m so over myself. Living a life where I can laugh at myself and be silly and open and light is sooo liberating. And fun.

Because of my lightness, my relationship with my husband has been full of laughter, silliness, sarcasm, and plain funness as well. Thankfully he has a very well developed sense of humor too. Please, it’s hard for me to spend any significant amount of time with anyone that takes themselves and life too seriously. So to marry an uptight man would just not happen with me. He had me laughing from the moment we met. Of course we’ve had our share of fights, yet one of us can always get the other to laugh. And then we are over the argument. We keep each other light and positive. Laughter eases the tension. Always.

Humor is self-care. It has major physical healing powers. Norman Cousins proved this many years ago. He had a very painful disease that prohibited him from sleeping well. He tried many ways to get some sleep, medical interventions, alternative therapies … yet he could not find relief. So he decided to watch funny movies and laugh. What he discovered was that when he had 20 minutes of a full-on belly laugh, the result was 2 hours of consistent, pain-free sleep. This was a miracle to him. Humor Therapy was born. Now many patients with serious illnesses are encouraged to experience the healing powers of humor.

Our little Mia already is developing a sharp sense of humor. She is silly, snarky, and funny when she isn’t intending to be. She has put pajama bottoms on her head and danced around the room making silly faces. She makes up songs on the spot about cookies, about princesses, about anything. With the addition of our Pug Sophie, the humor has amplified. Sophie snorts to communicate. We have translated all of her snorts. Mia and Sophie together are a hilarious pair. Mia will grow up knowing how to laugh at herself and the world around her. We could not ask for more.

I love to share my little Mia’s humorous adventures via Social Media and on this blog (as I am currently doing). My husband warns me that one day Mia will pay me back via her own Social Media rants about me. Perhaps I should be worried (Karma can be a b!tch, after all), yet honestly I’m looking forward to that day. She will make me even more proud if she can use humor to get back at me for all the times I shared her silliness. That would be awesome! And then we could banter back and forth on said social media, especially since I’m sure that will be the only way she will communicate with us when she’s a tween. And please, clearly I am not self-conscious at all (anymore, thanks again to humor), so I’d like to think there is nothing she can say or post that I’d be ashamed of (of course I say this now… ).

Humor has been so vital to my overall well-being, as a mother, a wife, a career-woman, and person. It has helped me survive some very difficult times. It has allowed me to enjoy life and all the silliness that comes with it. I am less tense, more open, more willing to enjoy the journey of life.

“If you do not get out of your shell, you are just a nut.” ~ Sadhguru Jaggi

More Humor ~

The #1 Parenting Tool: A Sense of Humor

On Being a Gen-X Parent

The Tooth Fairy: A Horror Story

My So-Called Gen-X Life

I am Woman, Hear Me Freak the F#&K Out!

Dear Food, We Need to Talk

Using Self-Care to Remember Self-Care

So I pride myself on being a sort of Guru on all things Self-Care.

As a Social Worker, my main areas of practice, research, and training are on the topic of Self-Care. Self-Care for clients and Self-Care for fellow professionals. As a Mom and survivor of Post-Partum Depression, I am uber-aware of the benefits of caring for myself to better care for my daughter. I also embrace Self-Care strategies in a variety of other settings and areas of my life. I have dozens of Post-It Notes full of specific Self-Care reminders. I have endless journals and work logs full of strategies and research. I’m always asking others what they do for Self-Care, not only for them to be thinking in those terms, but also so I can add to my endless list of ideas.

My friends, family, and colleagues know they can come to me for a nice needed dose of Self-Care. I will breathe with you, I will remind you to take care of yourself. I will even give you a nice, big hug, since sometimes that is my favorite Self-Care strategy. And I’m known for my hugs as I have perfected them over the years.

Yet, even those of us who live and breathe Self-Care can sometimes forget all those many strategies we have on Post It Notes cluttered around every corner of our home and office. Seriously, when I’m in a funk or a crisis happens, for some reason, those Post It Notes vanish before my eyes. Hard for me to admit this, but it’s true.

The gradual shift from being in Self-Care-mode to a state of not-quite-caring-for-self-mode can be subtle and insidious. My most recent “slip” materialized in the form of me seemingly forgetting just how important intense exercise is. I’m not quite sure how it happened, but it did. I was still walking, doing yoga, and some other forms of low-intensity exercise, so maybe part of me figured it was enough. For me, this is just a piece of my overall exercise needs. In order for me to feel less anxious, less depressed, more in control, energized, and happy, I need to incorporate several high-intensity workout sessions a few times a week. Weights, running, kick boxing, playing drums … anything that will allow my lungs to hurt and my aggression to be released. I can literally feel the toxins (both physical and emotional) melt from my body as my heart rate increases and I’m panting.

So, for whatever reason, I let those sessions become less and less frequent. My mood became more and more irritable, my sleep was off, my energy was off, I felt lethargic and cranky. I was able to snap back to reality when I finally did a hard-core workout again, felt amazing, and was all, “Oh yeah, now I remember why this is so important to my overall well being. Duh.”

It all happened this easily. I got in the funk slowly, but easily, yet I was able to come out quickly and easily. I swear, I can make things so much more complicated than they need to be.

The key, for me anyway, is to remember that I am human and may forget from time to time. So long as I remember, re-embrace my skills, hold onto what it feels like to *not* take care of myself and vow to minimize my going back there, then I am okay. After all, part of Self-Care is forgiving myself and allowing myself to experience all levels of this amazing journey.

Related Pieces:

Caring for Yourself While Caring for Others

On Being a Wounded Healer

The Cheat Sheet

The #1 Parenting Tool: A Sense of Humor

Disaster Preparedness, or, Mobilize All Glow Sticks

Disclaimer ~ This post will be equally humorous and serious. This is how I deal with emergency situations ~ take each moment incredibly seriously, while trying to maintain a healthy sense of humor as well. If anyone has a better way of dealing with crisis, please enlighten us! 

My husband Rich and I have lived through our fair share of emergencies and natural disasters. I grew up on the Jersey Shore and saw hurricanes and nor’easters rip up our precious coast line. Later on, Rich and I moved into NYC and lived through 9/11. We were living and working in Manhattan during that unprecedented time and got very good at stocking up on vital supplies and staying in touch with loved ones.

Two years after 9/11, many parts of the Eastern Seaboard lost power, including much of Manhattan. We went without electricity for close to a week. Imagine looking at the Empire State Building and seeing total darkness. That’s what we experienced. We would walk the streets of the city and take ice cream from the Bodega owners who were passing it out. Better to eat it for free than to have it melt all over the other merchandise. When the lights finally came back on, we could hear applause up and down our neighborhood. It was quite a moment.

We’ve had hurricanes, nor’easters, blackouts, terrorist attacks, snow storms … all of us have lived through our own share of unexpected and chaotic events. They bring out our true selves. Can we live through the crisis? Will we thrive, or will we crash under the pressure? I know for Rich and I, we are always ready, willing, and able to laugh our way through any issue that life may bring us.

So now with Hurricane Sandy beating upon the eastern seaboard as I write this, my crisis preparedness mode is in full effect. One huge difference now is that we have our 6 year old daughter Mia to prepare as well. Having a child adds a whole new level of mindfulness and humor during times like this. We can’t tell her too much or she will freak out, but we have to tell her something in case it does get as bad as the forecasters are saying. Plus, we also need to keep her occupied and distracted enough so that she is happy and not too scared. Such a delicate balance.

This is especially difficult since there are some real threats with this storm. We currently live right in the path of this destructive storm. Plus, my heart will always remain on the Jersey Shore, and there are some major concerns with the already vulnerable Jersey Coast Line. The ocean is amazingly powerful and intense. Even on seemingly calm days, the waves can be destructive. My thoughts and prayers are with the shore. I truly hope that this storm does minimal damage.

My heart and thoughts are also with the thousands of residents living in the path of this destruction. Especially those who are already struggling with life day to day, outside the added threat of a natural disaster. Those who are always in a heightened sense of crisis because they may not know where their next meal is coming from, if they will be able to adequately care for their children. So many of us take our ability to prepare for a crisis like this for granted. We have the means to stock up on food and water. We have adequate shelter to protect us. We can find a way to evacuate if we need to. There are so many of our fellow neighbors who are unable to do this at any level. My thoughts are with them. May they be safe and keep their children warm, dry, and content.

My hope is that we all come together to help our fellow neighbors during this time. Even to reach out to others to offer support and a good laugh to lighten the pressure. Share supplies with those who need them. Offer to assist those who need to evacuate with you. Our sense of community needs to be heightened ~ we are all in this together.

Using our fine-tuned sense of humor is so vital to this entire process. Thankfully Mia has a hearty sense of humor as well. While she may be a little scared, we can easily distract her with some fun and games, silly style. Case in point ~ She is now “playing” with her cousin via Facetime. Oh, how I bow to the Gods of Social Media at times like this! Now let’s hope the power doesn’t go out …

There are some vital components to surviving any disaster/crisis/emergency situation. Given that we’ve had some extensive practice in this area, we have fine-tuned this list, and love to share our ideas with anyone who is interested! Here is our step by step guide to ensuring all goes well during this Frankenstorm ~

Ensure coffee is made before the power goes out.

Ensure there is plenty of alcohol.

In regard to the above, also make sure all bottle openers are in a place you can easily get to.

Now is the time to make use of all of those annoying light up toys. If the power does go out, you can entertain the kiddies for hours with a light show.

Also essential if the power goes out ~ Glow Sticks. Just as effective as candles, but way more fun.

And yes, candles are necessary as well. Make sure you know where your lighters/matches are.

Be mindful of charging all laptops, phones, ipods, ipads … not only will this help you stay in contact with loved ones, it will also ensure that you remain connected to Social Media. Which is essential. (or is this just essential to me?!)

Make sure there is some sort of battery operated source of music, or a fully charged computer/phone that can play a party mix. Turn those glow sticks and light up toys into a mini-rave! Well, a kid-friendly rave anyway.

Throw out all rules about eating candy and junk food. Please, now is not the time to be strict about food, or bedtimes, or really anything. In fact, now is the best time to have your little ones jacked up on sugar. Trust me, it will make all of your lives easier.

Plus, if the power goes out, you will need to eat all the ice cream in your freezer before it melts. So you and your kids may as well get a head start! 

Please, everyone stay safe and dry. We are all in this together. Through our love of our fellow neighbor, and our use of humor, we will get through this and any emergency that comes our way.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 26 other followers