One and Done Happiness

Posted on March 25, 2013 by elizabethlombino

A few days ago we had a play date with a new family. Mia and her new friend, a sweet little girl, played alongside the new girl’s 2 older brothers. We invited the new parents to stay with us and chat. We watched all of our children be children as we discussed parenting and enjoyed some snacks. There was a lot of noise in our house that afternoon. The hearty laughter and high energy that is 4 young children.

It was a great, and rather exhausting, afternoon.

As our new friends left, Mia practically collapsed on the couch. I was right behind her. We cuddled and discussed the day. I decided to take this opportunity to ask her how she felt being an only child. Even though we are incredibly content with our decision of being a One and Done family, I still like to check in with Mia about this every so often to see how she feels about the whole thing.

When I asked her if she wishes she had some brothers or sisters, she shook her head, said no, and paused for a moment. I waited in anticipation for the next words that were certain to flow from her mouth. What would she say? That in fact she does wish she had 2 brothers and 4 sisters? That she hates being an only child? That she loves being an only child? That she wants a cat?

Finally the anticipation was over. She simply said, “I’m hungry.”

Sometimes I’m brought back down to the level of six year old thinking. Oh how I wish every moment could be as uncomplicated and real as this one.

I got our lovely only a snack and sat with her some more. We were quiet for a little while as she munched on her apple slices. The calm quiet settled in our home.

Then Mia looked at me with love in her eyes. She said, “I’m glad it’s just me.” I kissed her forehead and said, “Me too.” She went back to her apples and I once again felt the effortless, pure love that is our sweet little family.

Filed under: Hope Notes, Just for Laughs, Motherhood, One and Done, Parenting | Leave a Comment »

One and Done on Facebook!

Posted on March 20, 2013 by elizabethlombino

DSC_0264Team One and Done is now a page on Facebook!

Please visit and “like” the page.  New posts, humor, quotes, and a whole community for parents of an only child.

Also feel free to share your story with us! Add to the fun and find support.

You can also check out the “One and Done” page on this blog.

Hope to see you there!

Filed under: Motherhood, One and Done, Parenting | Leave a Comment »

One and Done ~ Spoiler Alert

Posted on March 3, 2013 by elizabethlombino

It seems to be a strong cultural stereotype that an “only child” will be spoiled. Selfish, self-centered, insensitive, bratty, spoiled.

Some parents decide to have another child as a means to avoid the possibility of their kid turning into a brat.

Oh, if it were only this easy.

I’m sure I’m not alone in thinking that there are *plenty* of selfish, bratty, insensitive children all around us, and the vast majority of them happen to have siblings.

Having a sibling does not instantly make a child immune from the potential of being spoiled. And being an only child is not the only pre-requisite for being a brat. How these connections were made is the stuff of urban myths.

A One and Done Mom friend of mine has some concerns about her young son being a little more shy than his peers. She believes it comes from her personality, which tends to be more introverted. She remembers being slightly withdrawn and would observe a situation before engaging in any activity. She sees herself in him and is aware of his needs. Yet when she talks to her friends and family about him, they are quick to say “You have to give him a sibling or he will be isolated.” Or “If he’s an only, he won’t ever know how to make friends.” Wow, talk about not being supportive at all. It seems like this little boy has a soft, shy temperament that seems to be completely normal and healthy. Yet, because he’s not overly active or popular, he is labeled withdrawn and potentially selfish. How a sibling would change any of this, or instantly flip his personality, is beyond me. And what’s to change, really?

Our One and Done daughter, Mia, seems to be pretty well-adjusted in her 6th year of life. Our little girl has her annoying, self-centered moments, to be sure. All kids do. She has mastered the art of eye rolling. She is entering the apathetic, moody tween years way too quickly. Yet, this would be our Mia as an only child and also if we decided to have another child. In fact, the addition of a child would just exponentially increase the eye rolls, snarky tone, and sass. No thank you.

Sass aside, Mia is an incredibly sensitive, thoughtful, caring little girl. She shares easily, she is compassionate to her peers, and she makes friends easily. If there were any indication of insensitivity or a spoiled disposition, we have not seen it yet. And being that most of her personality is quite clear already, I think it’s safe to say she dodged that stereotype.

As for the incessant eye rolling? If anyone has a cure for that, please share. And we all know a sibling will never cure that, so don’t even bother suggesting it.

For more on all things One and Done, please visit our new Facebook Page ~ Team One and Done! Join the team!

Filed under: Motherhood, One and Done, Parenting, Social Media, Working Mom | Leave a Comment »

Using Self-Care to Remember Self-Care

Posted on November 11, 2012 by elizabethlombino

So I pride myself on being a sort of Guru on all things Self-Care.

As a Social Worker, my main areas of practice, research, and training are on the topic of Self-Care. Self-Care for clients and Self-Care for fellow professionals. As a Mom and survivor of Post-Partum Depression, I am uber-aware of the benefits of caring for myself to better care for my daughter. I also embrace Self-Care strategies in a variety of other settings and areas of my life. I have dozens of Post-It Notes full of specific Self-Care reminders. I have endless journals and work logs full of strategies and research. I’m always asking others what they do for Self-Care, not only for them to be thinking in those terms, but also so I can add to my endless list of ideas.

My friends, family, and colleagues know they can come to me for a nice needed dose of Self-Care. I will breathe with you, I will remind you to take care of yourself. I will even give you a nice, big hug, since sometimes that is my favorite Self-Care strategy. And I’m known for my hugs as I have perfected them over the years.

Yet, even those of us who live and breathe Self-Care can sometimes forget all those many strategies we have on Post It Notes cluttered around every corner of our home and office. Seriously, when I’m in a funk or a crisis happens, for some reason, those Post It Notes vanish before my eyes. Hard for me to admit this, but it’s true.

The gradual shift from being in Self-Care-mode to a state of not-quite-caring-for-self-mode can be subtle and insidious. My most recent “slip” materialized in the form of me seemingly forgetting just how important intense exercise is. I’m not quite sure how it happened, but it did. I was still walking, doing yoga, and some other forms of low-intensity exercise, so maybe part of me figured it was enough. For me, this is just a piece of my overall exercise needs. In order for me to feel less anxious, less depressed, more in control, energized, and happy, I need to incorporate several high-intensity workout sessions a few times a week. Weights, running, kick boxing, playing drums … anything that will allow my lungs to hurt and my aggression to be released. I can literally feel the toxins (both physical and emotional) melt from my body as my heart rate increases and I’m panting.

So, for whatever reason, I let those sessions become less and less frequent. My mood became more and more irritable, my sleep was off, my energy was off, I felt lethargic and cranky. I was able to snap back to reality when I finally did a hard-core workout again, felt amazing, and was all, “Oh yeah, now I remember why this is so important to my overall well being. Duh.”

It all happened this easily. I got in the funk slowly, but easily, yet I was able to come out quickly and easily. I swear, I can make things so much more complicated than they need to be.

The key, for me anyway, is to remember that I am human and may forget from time to time. So long as I remember, re-embrace my skills, hold onto what it feels like to *not* take care of myself and vow to minimize my going back there, then I am okay. After all, part of Self-Care is forgiving myself and allowing myself to experience all levels of this amazing journey.

Related Pieces:

Caring for Yourself While Caring for Others

On Being a Wounded Healer

The Cheat Sheet

The #1 Parenting Tool: A Sense of Humor

Filed under: Compassion Fatigue, Health, Hope Notes, Just for Laughs, Mental Illness, Motherhood, One and Done, Parenting, PerinatalMoodDisorders, Self-Care, Social Media, Strengths Perspective, Stress Reduction, Working Mom | 2 Comments »

Mia, Our Brave Princess

Posted on October 26, 2012 by elizabethlombino

For Halloween this year, Mia decided to be Merida, the strong princess from the Pixar film “Brave.”

Brave Princess. Such a perfect fit for her. Our Mia is strong, determined, feisty, precocious. She is Brave.

Mia has so much life and personality in her little 6 year old body. She is already able to make some pretty big decisions with the self-confidence of most adults. If she chooses to wear an outfit that does not match in my eyes, she tells me exactly why she would like to wear that outfit. Even in the face of some of her other peers pointing out that her outfit doesn’t match, she tells them exactly what is awesome about the outfit. She has such a sweet and firm way of making her point that it would be impossible to disagree with her. She has such a strong sense of herself and what she wants in the world.

Plus she can be so sweet and thoughtful about her decisions that none of it comes across as bratty or arguing for arguing sake. She is genuine. She knows who she is, at 6 years old.

Now, of course, the key for us is to continue to foster this self-esteem and confidence as she continues to navigate through the complicated world around her. We are not naive to believe that she won’t feel the influence of her peers, negative or positive. We have survived the tween and adolescent years, so we are well aware of the many challenges ahead.

Yet, with Mia, I believe she will continue to be her strong, confident self. We will continue to provide her with all the love, support, and freedom of expression she needs (within some sort of limits, of course, yet our limits do tend to be less traditional than most). So long as she is covered, she can continue to choose her outfits, mismatched and all. She has a very creative spirit and we aim to foster that, not stunt it.

This is why her choosing to be Merida from Brave is so symbolic. Merida is not your traditional princess. She is strong and feisty, just like our Mia.

When I look at our Mia, I see her future. I see her growing and thriving and embracing all that life has to offer her. She is Brave.

Filed under: Just for Laughs, Motherhood, One and Done, Parenting | Leave a Comment »

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