When

Posted on May 8, 2013 by elizabethlombino

When will when not matter

When will the confusion lift

The sun is gloriously shining

Clouds gather in front of me

The sea is calm

Yet waves crash upon me

Color is all around me

Somehow all I see is gray

My mind escapes me

Does not feel my own

It has been molded this way

Forced to accept this experience

Pushing me further from ever being fine

A beautiful melody

Always heard off key

When will my reality be what is real

When will my vision be what is before me

When will my mind quiet

When will I not have to ask when

Filed under: Hope Notes, Mental Illness, PerinatalMoodDisorders, Poetry, Recovery, Self-Care, Stress Reduction, Trauma | Leave a Comment »

Life with a Pug

Posted on March 21, 2013 by elizabethlombino

Sophie VestHumor is a big part of who I am. Humor is also a major component of our little family and how we parent. Rich and I have been laughing together and being silly for many years now. Our little girl Mia is even goofier than we are. No matter what obstacle we face, our humor gets us through.

Then along came Sophie the Pug.

None of us knew just how funny a Pug could be. Sophie takes our love of humor to a whole new level.

Here are some reasons why Sophie is full of personality. Pugs have big personality and Sophie is a true, pure Pug:

Snorts and Snores ~ When I told people that we wanted a Pug, some dog lovers told us that Pugs are great, but they have respiratory issues and it can be high maintenance and annoying. I had done my research and knew this was one of the biggest (and perhaps only) downside of having a Pug. We went into this Pug Life knowing all about the breathing concerns. What we had no idea about was just how much noise this little creature is capable of making. She is by far the loudest snorer I have ever heard. We had to move her out of our room at night because her snoring kept us awake. Plus she snorts and sneezes and makes other noises I’m not too sure how to describe. She has a habit of sneezing as a greeting, which is less than cute. But all her other snorts and sounds are so endearing. When she’s excited she gasps and snorts all at the same time. We always know where she is because of her sweet snorts. Needless to say, she sucks at hide and seek.

Purring ~ I’m convinced this little Pug is part cat. She sleeps A LOT and she purrs. Maybe it’s part of her snorts, but I swear this girl purrs when she is cuddled. If she’s laying down, snoring softly, and one of us comes to her and pets her, her snores get louder and mimic the purr of a cat. It’s so sweet. She’s using her snorts to tell us just how much she loves us. Now that’s personality.

Head Tilts ~ Pugs are known for their head tilts. If you key in “pug head tilts” on YouTube, dozens of videos come up. Pugs tilt their heads when they hear a word or command they know. Sophie is a pro head-tilter. She perks her ears and tilts her head when she hears Sophie, walk, or cheese. Cheese gets the mega head tilt, followed by a snort of excitement. Our little lady loves her cheese!

Tail ~ Pug tails are curled. Sophie’s tail is coiled into a perfect circle on the top of her back. When she’s super excited, she doesn’t wag her tail, she shakes her butt, which moves her curled tail across her back. It’s too cute. A few weeks into our new relationship with Sophie (who was adopted at age 2), we noticed that her tail would sometimes be straightened out. Usually her tail is so tightly coiled, it was odd to see it flattened out. Soon we figured out that Pugs straighten their tails when they are relaxed or asleep. When Sophie is chillin’ with us and feeling calm, her tail is totally uncurled. Then, if we say one of the key, head tilt worthy words, her tail instantly curls up again! This is an adorable Pug trait that shows just how bold their personality is. It is also another reason that I’m convinced Pugs have some cat in them.Sophie tongue

Tongue ~ So apparently Pugs tend to have their tongues sticking out quite a lot. I had no idea about this, but it is so insanely adorable. She mostly sticks out her tongue when she sleeps. Not sure if her tongue gets stuck in her teeth, or if it helps her breath better, or if she just knows how stinking cute it is, but often there is a sliver of pink protruding from her mostly black snout.

We love our Sophie the Pug. She is so full of life and love. Her personality is feisty, sweet, and unique. Her smoosh face is incredibly delightful (or incredibly ugly if you aren’t a Pug fan). We are so happy to have a Pug in our family. Sophie is Mia’s little sister. Mia is in love with all of her snorts, head tilts, noises, soft fur, and clever tail. We are in love with her charm. She has added so much to our lovely little family.

The humor in our home has reached new heights now that we have Sophie the Pug.

Sophie and Mia

Filed under: Hope Notes, Just for Laughs, One and Done, Parenting, Self-Care, Stress Reduction | Leave a Comment »

Our Culture of Food

Posted on January 20, 2013 by elizabethlombino

This month marks 5 years since I was instructed to drastically change my diet. After giving birth to Mia, my body and spirit changed dramatically. I had Post Partum Depression, and I also had a whole host of health issues. My therapist, psychiatrist, internist, gastroenterologist, and endocrinologist all told me that what I was eating was the root cause of all of these problems. Especially sugar. Not only was it destroying my stomach, it was messing with my mood. My therapist so gently asked me during one session: “I think you may need to cut back on sugar. Do you think it is contributing to your mood swings?” “Of course not!” I snapped at her. I then reached into my stash of M&Ms as I stormed out of her office.

From that moment on, I met with a nutritionist who helped me through the process. Let’s just say that she and I did not always see things through the same eyes. “Wait, you mean to tell me that Fig Newtons aren’t a healthy alternative to Oreos??” I had a hard time letting go of sugar and fried foods. I would rationalize that even though I still went to McDonald’s, I would order a salad (that’s an oxymoron right there), and then just have a “few” of Mia’s fries from her Happy Meal. When Mia began yelling at me to “stop eating all my fries!” I knew this plan was not working.

It has been a tumultuous five years of me fighting myself and my addiction to food. I have had to tweak and shift my diet many times as I would learn more about my body and my response to certain foods. It is still a work in progress, and I am certainly not perfect with it. Being a recovering sugar addict, I must have something sweet once in a while. Just now it is a few dark chocolate Hershey’s Kisses, not a whole pint of Ben and Jerry’s.

As of this moment, my diet consists of all things natural and whole. It’s probably easier to say what I *can’t* eat — Nothing artificial, no sugar (or rather, very limited sugar), no fake sugars of any kind (High Fructose Corn syrup is the devil), nothing fried, limited gluten/wheat, limited dairy, no soft cheeses, no starches. Plus my portions need to be small. An ideal dinner for me is a lean meat with sauteed veggies. No sauces or heavy oils. And my favorite meal is a nice, hearty salad. I am now the queen of salads. And not a pseudo McD’s salad. I’m talking fresh spinach (no iceberg ever), grilled chicken, grapes, nuts, apples, carrots, sesame seeds … and of course a light vinaigrette made with natural ingredients. I am also well versed in reading nutrition labels. It’s a whole new language that takes months to master. Seriously.

Even though I have drastically changed my diet and I am happy with how I eat now, I can’t help but continue to obsess over food. Some foods can be incredibly seductive. I may not even be thinking about eating nachos, then I’m out with friends at a nice restaurant, and next thing I know I’m ordering them with extra guacamole. Damn you tasty goodness!I still have dreams about food. I can smell deep fried foods a mile away.

I blame our culture of food. So many of our cultural rituals revolve around food. This can be a beautiful experience of “breaking bread” with loved ones. Yet it can also be a gluttonous pot luck lunch at work where you are looked at critically if you don’t try the freshly baked cookies your coworker provided. There is so much emotion wrapped up in food.

And social media just makes all of this worse. Ever been on Pinterest? Well, if you haven’t all you need to know is that it’s one big recipe book with a million and one ways to make cupcakes, pasta dishes, homemade chocolates, and even more extravagant and decadent meals and treats. It can be torture for those on a diet, or at least trying to cut back on sweets. Of course there are also images of fitness tips. They just seem out of place sandwiched (pun intended) between images of red velvet cupcakes and deep fried turkeys. Yet, this too is our culture. Overstimulate the masses with images of delicious treats, yet then expect us all to find a healthy balance of moderation.

We definitely live in a culture of food indulgence and confusion. Anytime I tell people I have shifted the way I eat, I get some very interesting responses. Some people are right there with me, some have tried and wish me luck, others just seem to be filled with pity. They certainly make for interesting conversations! And sometimes it seems that some people just don’t believe that I’ve made these decisions. Or that maybe I’m not as dedicated as they think I am. This perception is made clear to me when I’m offered a cookie 4 times by a person who is well aware of my health issues. Perhaps they are being polite. Perhaps they need to move along and take their food guilt with them.

Many aspects of our society is defined by food. It’s taken me years, but I have finally been able to redefine my life outside the parameters of food.

Related pieces ~

Dear Food, We Need to Talk

Oh Sugar, How I Love (HATE!) You

Filed under: Health, Mental Illness, PerinatalMoodDisorders, Self-Care, Stress Reduction | Leave a Comment »

The Hazards Story

Posted on December 25, 2012 by elizabethlombino

Over my years of Social Work clinical training, I’ve learned a lot of metaphors and stories to help explain some of the concepts I teach.

One such story is called the Hazards Story. It was conceived of, and taught to me by my former supervisor and colleague, Donna Ellenbogen.

Here is a brief, adapted version of the story:

A fellow professional travels the country training colleagues in the field of psychology. He is wheel-chair bound and would drive to most of his training engagements in his large van that accommodated his needs. For one engagement, he had to travel the length of the New Jersey Turnpike. For anyone who has spent any amount of time on this stretch of road knows that it is chaotic and not driver friendly. Just drive 70 in the left lane and see how many horns get blared in your general direction. This gentleman would travel in the right lane (it is a 3-lane highway in most places), going several miles below the speed limit (65). No one drives even the speed limit on the Turnpike, let alone slower than that, but he did. Needless to say, he was welcomed by an endless slew of swerving, honking cars with drivers yelling obscenities and making every obscene gesture possible.

The next day, he had to drive the route all over again. Around 55-60 MPH, in the right lane, on the NJ Turnpike. This time, he decided to put his hazard lights on. This simple change drastically changed the reactions of the travelers around him. Now, rather than an endless barrage of nasty looks and horns honking, the exact opposite happened. More cars just went around the van, without any aggression or obscene gestures. Several cars even slowed down next to him to see if he was okay. Sure, there was still the occasional outburst from a road-raging driver (this was the NJ Turnpike, after all), yet overall, the response he received by making this simple change was astonishing. By simply put on his blinking lights to alert others to his preferred method of driving, he minimized the stress of the situation. He received more compassion and less angst.

The moral of the story, and the meaning we teach, is that if you alert those around you that you are feeling stressed or behaving in a way that is out of the ordinary, you may just increase your chances of receiving more empathy and less frustration from those around you. You don’t need to tell every single detail of why you are feeling off. The details are irrelevant. The feeling is what is most important. You are conveying your feelings of stress or anxiety to those around you so that they are aware of the state of being you are in. You are taking an active role in informing those around you. This way they may lower their expectations of you, and you can minimize the negative reactions of those around you. Of course, you can’t control the reactions of everyone, and there will still be some people who continue to have the same expectations of you no matter what, (just like those road-raging drivers who are angry no matter what), yet the odds of you receiving more compassion and understanding are increased.

Information is powerful. Not full on details, but simple statements of how you are feeling can completely shift the energy of those around you. Case in point ~ Perhaps I have an important business meeting that I need to actively participate in. Perhaps at the same time, my daughter is not feeling well and I am awaiting a call from her doctor. How shall I handle this situation? I more than likely will have to answer my phone mid-meeting. I could just step out and answer it, but that may result in my other team members feeling slighted or wondering if I’m invested in the meeting. Yet, I can also choose to enter the meeting and inform the team from the start that I will have my phone on vibrate because I am expecting an important call about my daughter that I will have to answer quickly and return to the meeting. This way, from the beginning, I am informing the team of my current state of feeling and also minimizing any negative reactions when I do leave the meeting. I am putting my hazards on for my team.

Try it out! Next time you aren’t feeling your best, let people know. Simple and clear is best ~ “I am not 100% today”, “I will do my best today, yet there are some things on my mind as well” … Informing those around you allows you to take a more active role in how they may respond to you. You don’t have full control, yet you increase your chances of receiving compassion rather than obscene gestures.

To learn more about Donna Ellenbogen and the amazing work she is doing with new moms and families, check out her website ~ FamilyWellnessNYC.com

Filed under: Addiction/Substance Use, Compassion Fatigue, Harm Reduction, Health, HIV/AIDS, Hope Notes, Mental Illness, Self-Care, Social Work, Strengths Perspective, Stress Reduction | Leave a Comment »

Closer to Fine

Posted on December 4, 2012 by elizabethlombino

Indigo Girls’ music is spiritual and thoughtful. I connect with their music and lyrics on so many levels. One song in particular speaks to me so intensely ~ Closer to Fine.

The song takes the listener through a life-long quest of finding meaning in life. Finding peace and solitude. It captures our eternal search for clarity and happiness in a life that can often be chaotic, confusing, and complicated. Plus Amy Ray and Emily Saliers use clever humor to help tell the stories of their (and our) searches ~ speaking to philosophers, going to shrinks, connecting with nature, getting a drink at a bar … We’ve all found ourselves searching in these various places for some sort of meaning and joy, often with mixed results. And of course, the chorus, and title lyrics, reminds us that if we let go of finding that “one” true meaning, the happier we will be. Embrace all of this, let go of all of this, and just live.

I connect intensely with this endless desire to find meaning. And the endless attempts to just let go and be.

In college, I was a Philosophy major with a minor in Medical Humanities (I was also an English minor for 5 minutes; I think I was only a few credits short of actually declaring that a minor). My classes revolved around man’s search for meaning. Intellectual searches, spiritual searches, scientific inquiries, the written word. I studied almost every religion, feminist theory, medical ethics cases, poets, scholars … I also took a few astronomy classes, which allowed me to search the stars for meaning.

I didn’t fully realize it at that time, but I was not only searching for meaning in the world, I was on a quest to find meaning within myself. With my chaotic life, it was difficult for me to feel connected to much. The world around me didn’t make much sense to me, so in my studies I was attempting to find some answers. Of course, as a Philosophy major, I also seemed to have more time to listen to music. The Indigo Girls, and other thought-provoking artists, helped fuel my search. My major, and minors, also required written papers almost exclusively, which was a huge selling point for me. Not only was I afforded the opportunity to read about fellow “life explorers” but I was also allowed to write creatively about how all of this impacted me. What it meant to me.

It was a wonderful time for me and I truly was searching to “find myself”. Sure, that’s cliché, yet it’s the truest way to describe exactly what I was doing. It was what I needed to do.

I am still searching.

Working as a Social Worker has allowed me to continue my search for meaning in even more enhanced ways. Emotions and development are now part of the process for me.

My search will always continue. Every time I listen to Closer to Fine, I hear something slightly different. As my life grows, my search for meaning shifts slightly. I’m also more able to let go of some of the expectations of the search. Enjoy where I am and not long for something different.

Take life less seriously.

I will always ponder, always wonder, always gaze at the stars and feel so alive. Now I feel connected. Connected to those stars, connected to the ocean, connected to some spiritual forces, connected to my husband and daughter. Life has enhanced meaning for me now. Life is full of hope and clarity. It may not always make sense, but now I know it doesn’t have to. The search is part of the journey. And the more I let go of what I wish it could be, the closer I truly am to being just fine.

Filed under: Hope Notes, Mental Illness, Self-Care, Strengths Perspective, Stress Reduction | Leave a Comment »

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